"God, I can't do this."

Have your ever been so overwhelmed, so tired, so frustrated that you just can't do something? Have you ever told God, "I can't do this"? Have you ever heard God say, "Yes, you can"? Have you ever looked back on your life or a circumstance where you wondered,  "How did I do that"? Have you ever been so overwhelmed or tired, but you made it through and did what you had to do knowing that you were on auto-pilot? I have many times in my life. The most recent was the last 3 weeks of my dad's life.

The call came. He was very bad off and being transported to Holston Valley Hospital. I went, but thought he's going to be fine. I was home a few days later. Then the call came, he's worse. I went still thinking he's going to be fine. This time the doubts crept in, but I still thought he will be fine. This went on and I made the drive several times. I knew when the doctor called me himself and had me pulled out of a meeting that this would be the last time. The end was near.

All the drives back and forth. The doubts came more often with each trip. Reality was sinking in. Responsibility for him as well as my mom and brothers became my life. I was tired. I still am.

Me, "God I can't do this."
God, "Yes, you can."
Me, "God, I am tired. I can't do this. This is too much."
God, "Yes, you can."
Me, "I am one person. I need help. I don't have the answers. I can't make the right decisions."
God, "I will give them to you. I will send you help."
Me, "God, I am tired. I need help."
God, "Go to my house. I will give you rest. The help you need is with you. Take  down your walls. Trust the one you never thought would be there. He will guide you. He is there for you. Let him help you."
Me, "I am rested in your house. I will try, but God I don't trust him."
God, "Trust him. He will be your rock. He loves you."
Me, "I don't understand. He doesn't even like me."
God, "Trust me. Lean on me. Do as I say. I will keep you strong."
Me, "I need you to take over. I am too tired."


He did. When I thought I couldn't make that drive again; He took over. When the decisions were too tough to make; He guided me and gave me the strength I needed. When I was overwhelmed and tired; He took over. I watched myself be strong, decisive, there for all. It was as if I were out of my body watching someone else. He controlled and led. I was tired and overwhelmed; unsure and questioning myself. He took over. He gave me what I needed as I needed it to do what had to be done.

The last day I was in the chapel:
Me, "God, he is suffering. He is in so much pain. He is struggling. Please have his soul. If it is Your will for him to die, please take him now. Please end his suffering. Please have his soul. Forgive me, but I just want his suffering to end. Forgive me if I am wrong to ask you to take him. Jesus please hold me. I can't stand this. Your will, not mine."
God, "I will keep you strong. Go to him. Tell him it is time. Tell him to let go."

I went to the room on a mission. I told him it was time. I told him to let go. I cleared the room so, he would quit fighting death when there was noise in the room.

Me, "God, I can't take care of my mom and my brothers. Please don't take her too. I can't do this."
God, "Yes, you can. It won't be easy, but I will show you how. I will give you what you need when you need it. Trust me."

He is still guiding me and I know I am a work in progress, but I look back on my life and know He has, and always will be, my strength. He carries me more often than not.  Lean on Him. Trust in Him. Let Him lead. Do what He says and I promise He will give you what you need as you need it and He will be your strength too.